Forget security systems

By michelle | Posted on May 12, 2009 | Filed Under Crime 

What you need is a life-size Chuck Norris photo. 

A bakery in Croatia has found the key to deterring crime.  I suppose this is what happens when crime is bad and security systems are too expensive and the things we say about Chuck Norris over here in America have made their way to Croatia.  You know:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite, he bites frost.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he is not lifting himself up, he is pushing the earth down.

So, the idea of a life-size photo of Chuck Norris in the window of a crime-riddled Croatian bakery was born.  The bakery was broken into on a regular basis and since the life-size photo was put up, the bakery has not been broken into for more than a month.  (That is really quite sad that is considered a long enough period to call the news.)  The photo has a caption that reads, “This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris.”

A salesperson at the bakery noted that “People seem to  respect him.”  (Source: Croatian times.)  Well, yes.  Probably because Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Strangely, the photo that accompanies this story that states a life-size Chuck Norris photo was used, shows a storefront with a large, but not remotely life-size picture of Chuck Norris.

Now, I am really laughing.

If this is the picture that is deterring bakery crime, then Chuck Norris should really be proud.  Of course, this means there is a new Chuck Norris fact – Slightly large Chuck Norris photos stop strudel burglars.

Jelly bean burglar

By michelle | Posted on May 6, 2009 | Filed Under Crime 

If you know me, you know I love candy.

Especially jelly beans.

Especially jelly belly beans.

 

Glorious, wonderful jelly beans.  There are so many flavors and there is even a game on the back of the package encouraging you to eat combinations (cherry and cola for cherry cola, etc.).  I am a sucker for variety. 

(This has nothing to do with this post whatsoever but did you know there are “manly” flavored jelly beans?  I’m not talking about the Harry Potter type ones that have flavors such as dirt and snot, but these guys have steak, burrito, coolant, beer, leather, and boob flavor.  Wow.)

I’m talking about jelly beans today because I saw a funny story and asked myself how far I would go to procure jelly beans.

Commit felonies?  Maybe.  Especially after a very long run, when I’m shaking due to depleted glycogen levels.

I found a similar-minded person in North East Township, Pennsylvania.  Apparently someone broke into a home, breaking a window by the front door to gain entry, stole jelly beans on the kitchen table, and left, stealing nothing else.  The police don’t have a suspect.  (I swear it was not me.)

One article said, the police are “not sure why anybody would go to all that trouble to steal only jellybeans.”  Well maybe if they were doughnuts…

The homeowners commented that nothing else was even moved.

So what do you think, did the homeowners make a claim with their homeowners insurance?

I’m voting yes.   They remembered that there were jelly beans on the table – and there is the broken window expense as well.  But… maybe the jelly beans were just missing?   The follow up report could reveal that her husband ate all the jelly beans and broke the window to cover up the incident.

Fly the flag high, pants low

By michelle | Posted on April 27, 2009 | Filed Under Crime 

I recently wrote about a Tennessee bill that was being proposed, called the “Saggy Pants Bill” here. 

In Florida, you can let them hang low now.

Phew.

I’ll be honest.  I was really worried.

So here’s what happened – the good people of Riviera Beach, Florida, overwhelmingly (72% approval) a bill outlawing low-riding pants.  I don’t know Florida very well, and definitely not Riviera Beach, so my first assumption was that it must be a retirement city.  Not so.  Riviera Beach has  37.5% of its population under the age of 18, 10.0% from 18 to 24, 27.1% from 25 to 44, 20.7% from 45 to 64, and 8.7% who were 65 years of age or older (Wikipedia). 

So a judge put the kibbosh on the law, based on the 14th amendment (and not free speech)- and although the news article does not explicitly say, it appears that equal protection was asserted.

The city argued that it was a safety issue – weapons could be hidden in the baggy pants (what if they are tight and low? hm?  Or baggy pants sitting at the waistline?  And what about muumuus?).  The city’s reason for enacting the law was to help improve its image – the area, as I now know, is known for its crime. 

After losing the case, the mayor of the town indicated that the “fight” was not over.  I totally agree.  It’s not.  Low-riding pants on guys and gals are just so unattractive.  Then there are those awful monstrosities someone invented, plastic clogs.

I guess it was the same person that invented “jelly” shoes I wore in grade school in the 80s.   

So, no, the war against bad fashion is not over.  And probably never will be.  But when people say “blue eyeshadow should be outlawed,” it shouldn’t be taken literally.  Saggy pants don’t cause crimes.  Just tripping.

Crime is not really a problem in Vermont, I’m guessing

By michelle | Posted on April 24, 2009 | Filed Under Crime 

I have seen a trend on facebook – the social networking website – where you can create an “event” such as a birthday party, and send it to your friends. 

A rather creative, and fun, event was created by Darin Cassler in Burlington Vermont to have a pillow fight one day.  About 50 people gathered and feathers flew.  But the cops were not invited.  They broke up the “fight” and arrested Darin for disorderly conduct.

Now, I suppose the cops in Vermont are highly sensitized to violence because only granola-eating hippies live there … er  – why else would you break up a pillow fight? 

The pillow fight lasted all of 90 seconds.  Darin Cassler had blown a whistle to start and stop the fight.  You can see pictures of the mayhem here. 

The story on the case at the Burlington Free Press has a press release dated the same day of the article from the Burlington Police Department stating that they are not going to refer the case for prosecution.  What that means is that after an individual gets a ticket or gets investigated by the police department, the case then changes hands to the prosecutor.  The prosecutor reviews the case to see if there is enough evidence to file charges (at least, that is the idea…). 

What is strange about the article (other than the fact that the Burlington PD is going after pillow fights) is that it says the prosecutor “promised to review the disorderly conduct charge police are recommending he file against Cassler”.  Anyway, my point is that once the police do refer it to the prosecutor, a police department’s press release about not prosecuting the case doesn’t mean a whole lot.  What really matters is what the prosecutor thinks.

Karaoke = thugs

By michelle | Posted on April 20, 2009 | Filed Under Crime 

Lilburn, Georgia has lifted a two year ban on karaoke.  The town had created the ban (in establishments selling liquor) in an effort to curtail crime. 

Reading the rationale behind the law as written in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution defies logic:

“Lilburn officials had tightened up its alcohol ordinance in 2007 amid controversy over Sports Fan Bar and Grill. The City Council had argued that crime follows bars, and they believed Sports Fan was a bar masquerading as a restaurant.

“So leaders clamped down on common bar activities such as karaoke. The action stirred debate, with some accusing Lilburn of closing the tap on good times. Sports Fan shut down last year.”

Even if we accept that crime does follow bars, wouldn’t it make more sense to close bars, regulate sale of alcohol, capacity regulations, etc. than to ban games?  If there was an explanation in that leap of logic it wasn’t in the article.  I just think banning karaoke to curb crime makes little sense.

Only two years later, the city decided to review the law.  Why the change?  “Lilburn has matured, and we want to keep it vibrant,” said Mayor Diana Preston. “Our focus is keeping our business community strong and that means a diversity of businesses.”  (ajc.com)

What she forgot to say was that the town was forced to make a change when Kevin Bacon showed up around prom time, and all hell broke loose, complete with dance sequences.

And also, that now the karaoke ban is lifted, the mafia is relocating to Lilburn.

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